Sometime before dawn on Saturday, September 19 2009, another 30-something man went up to the Half Dome summit to die alone, alone except for his handgun. He sat alone on a small ledge below the cliff top, near the famous 'Visor' but away from the cave. Perhaps he watched a final sunset. And then waited until everyone else was gone. Sitting alone in darkness, watching the stars above and lights of people in Yosemite valley far far below. Then he shot himself in the head -- somehow without rolling off the ledge.
At midnight, several teenagers started out on their long overnight hike up to Half Dome. They arrived at dawn on Saturday. One young man spotted the man's body below the edge. He initially thought the guy was just sleeping, but then spotted the blood. They called the park rangers via cell phone. A park ranger arrived, perhaps by helicopter. The summit was investigated as a possible crime scene, just in case it was actually a murder. Some hikers waiting for the cables thought that foot traffic to the summit via the cables was shut down for about two hours or so on this busiest day of the week. (Others say it remained open.) The body was moved from the ledge and then taken off the mountain by helicopter around midday. I snapped this photo just as the helicopter was taking off.The man's name is Steve. He loved the outdoors and this mountain. He came back here from Oregon for this ending. His friend Megan describes a little bit of his life and recent family and job troubles. That site also has other information from hikers closer to the scene. There are apparently no reports about this in the newspapers, so far.
It was a busy day on the trail with many hikers queuing up to use the cables. Some hikers turned back after reaching the cables or saddle, thinking that it was closed or would be a very long time for their turn. Lower on the trail where I was, these descending hikers told us that the cables were closed. But it was all very confusing, with no one agreeing about when the closure started or when it would reopen.
Lower on the trail, the first hint of trouble was the sound of a helicopter circling the summit. We all immediately feared for some major accident up on top, perhaps involving many people, and perhaps a fatality. I was reminded of the book 'Shattered Air', about the men struck by lightning in 1985 and how difficult it was to rescue them by helicopter at night. Luckily this was mid day in perfect weather, and cell coverage now makes communication easy and certain. And Yosemite's rescue squad has accumulated a lot of practice.
A descending hiker then explained that it was about a suicide. And by gunshot, not by jumping. We were relieved that there was no accident, and only one person involved, and there was no crisis. The use of a gun was surprising and puzzling to everyone, with everyone guessing about motivations.
We soon gave up our own hike (our first time for Half Dome) before reaching Sub Dome. We were not strong enough that day or early enough to succeed on our planned timetable. The cable backlog and confusion about closures merely made it easier to accept that turnaround decision.
My impression was that quite a few families gave up, who would have certainly persisted to the summit if there had been no suicide delays. (We were not in that group.)
On our long drive home, I stewed about the suicide incident and became angry at the man's choice of venue for this final drama. Initially, just for "mis-using" this mountain and for inconveniencing so many people and wasting YOSAR resources. My anger then shifted to a more serious issue: Did he risk putting responders in danger? Was he securely wedged so that his dying body could not fall over the edge, or was it just luck that his body remained on the ledge? Had he fallen (or jumped), YOSAR would have then needed to apply much riskier procedures to retrieve the body from rocks below. I imagined and assumed the worst, that this not-falling was just luck and not something arranged in Steve's plan.
My first version of this article on Sunday was angry, harsh, and offensive to many people. I imagined I was scolding Steve and future imitators, trying to deter them from picking Half Dome for their ending. Not useful.
I hope that in the future, any troubled hikers looking to maybe follow Steve's course and example will similarly give some thought to the following:
- Will I potentially be putting fellow hikers, climbers, responders, or SAR teams at risk?
- Will I leave the mountain as peaceful and clean as the way I've enjoyed it?
- Will memories of my end detract from this place?
Rest in peace, Steve.
I was at the top when we discovered the body, and we told everyone going up the cables and those about to go up the cables to not. I realize that this man took his life, but if any one else endangered theirs by being forced to turn around on the cables they were warned. We even attempted to shut the cables down ourselves under the direct orders of the ranger, but no one listened.
ReplyDeleteI was there this day and saw the helicopter land on my way up. Our group did not summit until 3:00 pm due to this unfortunate event. I did understand however that the cables had never been shut down, just a portion of the dome while they investigated the scene. I do not understand how someone contemplating suicide could hike all the way up and think about this along the way and still do it. However I am not angry, that would be selfish. I am so sad, for his family for the situation that brought him to this point. One will never understand why some make certain choices, however it is not up to us to understand. That was my very first trip to Half Dome and it was amazing as others have said. I will not let what happened up there take away that accomplishment. I will however always remember what else happened that day in Yosemite.
ReplyDeleteWhile I wouldn't - and didn't - write about this in the way Duane originally did, there is a point to be made about our actions having larger consequences for other people. Not just family and friends, though they have most certainly been impacted, but also the impact on utter strangers. And, of course, on the man himself.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't just about place or location. It's not much worse that Steve chose Half Dome over some other location. When a person commits suicide, someone else always has to clean up the mess left behind. Gaping holes are always left in the lives of others. Suicide is not some grand, romantic gesture. It's not pretty. It doesn't solve any problems; it only creates more of them.
Even so, I think it important that we keep in mind that we don't know what this man's circumstances were. We don't know whether he was suffering from chronic depression, a form of mental illness, or whether he was having reverses in life. I think we can have compassion for him - and I do - while at the same time acknowledging the harm that he inflicted on himself and others.