Unfinished Business (Her Story)

The alarm went off at 3:00 am and the wake up call came shortly after - a real human being on the other end of the line. How nice to hear a human voice wake us up instead of a computer, but how awful for the person who has to be up at that hour to make those calls. Despite being tired the night before, I didn't sleep well. I probably got about 5 hours of sleep - not enough. Too many anxious thoughts running through my head.

I called the valet service to ask them to have our car ready in half an hour. Then I jumped in the shower and then got dressed. I put on my pants and immediately knew something was wrong. They were a tad too tight and then I realized - with horror - that I had accidentally packed Duane's hiking pants and not mine. They are exactly the same color - the only difference being the belt loops and the lack of a boot zipper at the bottom of the pant. Fortunately, we're about the same height and size, so they fit. Unfortunately for me, however, men's pants are cut narrower in the thigh. Although the pants fit, with every uphill step I would be fighting these pants. Subdome wouldn't just be difficult. It would be awful. I briefly considered wearing my jeans and quickly discarded that idea for a multiplicity of reasons. Duane's pants would have to do.

I was ready to go by 3:30 am, as we had planned. Duane was still packing his pack, which he hadn't done the night before. Grrr! By the time we left our room, it was 3:45 am. We were now 45 minutes later than I had wanted to be. I didn't get out of the parking lot, before realizing that I had left my National Park Pass in the hotel room. I ran back up to the room to get it. And then we were on our way to Glacier Point and the Panorama Trail trailhead.

It took us about 40 minutes to drive to Glacier Point. The road is currently gravel and torn up from Highway 41 to the turn off for Badger Pass ski area - about six miles. Fortunately, the road is graded well and is not badly washboarded. I was able to maintain between 20-30 mph on the dirt portion of the road, just under the regular speed limit. We arrived and parked near the outhouse. There were more cars than I expected - about eight vehicles - at that time of the morning. We parked and prepared our hiking poles, tied our hiking boots and put on our packs. Duane spent precious minutes repacking his backpack. I really didn't understand why this wasn't already done the night before. By the time he was ready to go, it was nearly 5:00 am, almost a full hour after we should have been on the trail.

One of the best things about being up at the wee hours of the morning at Glacier Point, was the heavenly view of the sky. We could easily see the Pleiades, Cygnus, Orion and the Milky Way. The sky was so full of stars that it was difficult to pick out familiar constellations. We could also see Venus just to the right of the black lump that had to be Half Dome. A beautiful sight, but we couldn't really stop at length to enjoy it, already being so late.

We found the trailhead and away we went. I wore two headlamps on my visor, but even though I was able to see, the lack of depth perception made hiking slower and more difficult. I didn't want to take a misstep and fall and hurt myself in the dark. Duane seemed to have better luck carrying his headlamp, but I knew that wouldn't have worked for me with both hands gripping my hiking poles. About halfway to Illilouette Fall, we could see the thin band of morning's first light breaking over the eastern horizon. About this same time, we saw pinpoints of light as if floating in the distance and lower across the canyon. This must have been other hikers on their way to Half Dome. It didn't get light enough to hike without head lamps until we reached Illilouette Fall, around 6:45 am.

For a while, we played the question game. Duane pulled a Reggie "Val Kilmer" moment. Marilyn Monroe was not appearing in films made in the 1970s (she died in 1962), nor was she as well known for her dramatic roles as she was for romantic comedies. No way I would have gotten that with the clues given.

After a short break to eat a trail bar at Illilouette Fall, we continue on across the bridge, up and out of Illilouette Canyon and to the Panorama Cliffs. At this point, rosy fingered Dawn was finally hitting the western peaks of Yosemite Valley. Beautiful! We decided to pass up a short trip to Panorama Point overlook. We had already been there in June and we were already very late. We continued on.

We reached the junction for the John Muir, and Mono Meadow at about 7:30 am. This was the first time we had seen any people at all since we started. One group of three passed us, followed shortly thereafter by two more hikers. The two hikers asked us if we were on our way down from Half Dome. What?!?!?! We pointed across the Canyon and told them that Half Dome was on the other side of the Merced River and pointed towards it. Half Dome, at this point, was mostly hidden behind Liberty Cap. We turned them around and set them on the right path. The group of three that we had passed earlier, came running down the switchbacks to Nevada Falls shortly thereafter. Apparently, they had also taken a wrong turn.

Why would anyone take on a hike as long and strenuous as the Half Dome hike without a good trail map? Inquiring minds want to know...

We reached Nevada Fall at about 8:15 am. We stopped at the restroom so Duane could use it. I tried to eat my sandwich, but was attacked by several yellowjackets. The last time I ate a lunch at Nevada Falls, the only critters that wanted my sandwich were squirrels. They were much cuter than yellowjackets! I gave up and put my sandwich away. I was amazed that there were so many people here at Nevada Falls this early in the morning. Oh what a difference that hour would have made!

A few minutes later, we continued on, past the restroom and up the stone steps around Liberty Cap, until the trail leveled out and followed the Merced River for another mile. Here the trail was so full of sand, it was like walking on a beach. It was actually much easier to walk just off the trail. There was actually a fresh trail cut by hikers, right next to the main trail, for this very reason. I used it.

Shortly before the junction for the Half Dome trail, we stopped at riverside to refill our water bladders for the grueling 3.5 mile trek to the top. After reaching the Half Dome Trail junction, we turned left and headed up the saddle between Half Dome and Cloud's Rest. We were about a mile past this junction, when we heard the loud distinctive sound of helicopter rotors chopping air. It had to be nearby. We looked up at Half Dome just in time to see the helicopter take off. Being out of communication, we weren't sure what had happened, but we knew that it couldn't be good. Flying a helicopter to the top of Half Dome is not done unless there is some kind of emergency.

I pulled out my small handheld transceiver (HT) thinking that I would use it to find out what was going on, but had forgotten that the Wilderness Protocol frequency - 146.52 on 2 meters - was programmed in my other HT and I couldn't remember the frequency. I put the radio back in my pack. Without that frequency, that hunk of plastic and metal was useless and I may as well not have brought it at all. We hiked on, though now a question mark had been cast over the day. What had happened on Half Dome?

At the same time, we were being passed by many hikers. Duane was getting more and more nervous and made up his mind at one point that he was not going to go on. He didn't want to try the cables in a crowd. I didn't either, but without knowing what was happening at the top, I didn't want to quit. I was angry with him. I had not come this far to beat myself mentally - or let him do the same. If there is one thing I have learned over this past year of training, it's that any endurance activity is as much a mental contest as it is a physical contest. My body might not hold up, but my mind wasn't going to give in. What I didn't read correctly was his sense of concern.

I reasoned with him that many of the people passing us would probably already be on their way back down by the time we got there. We estimated we would reach the cables by 12:00 pm, at our current, slower pace. I agreed that if it became clear that we could not get to the top and descend by 3:00 pm, we would turn back. He agreed to continue on.

At the same time, the weather was taking an interesting turn. The weather had been forecast to be 85 degrees and perfectly sunny. We checked my hiking thermometer and it was 80 degrees, though it didn't even feel that warm. But clouds were gathering over Half Dome, coming in from the west. We couldn't be sure, from this direction, what kind of clouds they were because they were partially hidden. Were they the beginnings of the dreaded cumulonimbus - thunder clouds that could immediately put an end to our hike? We weren't sure, but we paid attention.

We reached the two mile sign and the junction to the John Muir and Cloud's Rest trails. There were many people loitering, snacking and resting here. It was easy to find someone to take a photo of us. At this point, I zipped off my (actually Duane's) pant bottoms figuring it would be easier to do all the uphill. We hiked on. About ten minutes and a half mile later, we reached the spring. If we hadn't already known that it was a spring, we would have thought it was a puddle and hiked right on by. We hiked on for another several hundred feet up this series of interminable switchbacks.

By this time, we were beginning to see some hikers on their return. We stopped some of them to ask if they knew what had happened at the top. This was when we found out that it was a suicide. A few hikers later and we discovered that the cables had been closed and would be closed for approximately two hours. Hundreds of hikers were pooling at the Saddle between Subdome and the beginning of the cables. At this point, I knew that our Half Dome attempt was over. Even if we got to the top of Subdome by 1:00 pm, we would never get up and down the cables to Half Dome in the time that we had planned with throngs of people ahead of us at the Saddle.

At the same time, I was beginning to run out of gas and my appetite was so suppressed that I was finding it difficult to eat. I knew I needed to eat - I just didn't want to. I had to force myself to eat trail bars. My sandwich was out of the question. Duane had also tried to eat his sandwich, but was immediately attacked by five to six yellowjackets. He also gave up trying to eat his sandwich. I'm not sure whether my slight anemia played a part in this, but I'm sure it didn't help.

We were almost at the top of the ridge line, where we would have been at the tree line. We could see sky above the final switchbacks on the hill. We could see hikers going up the granite switchbacks on Subdome right in front of Half Dome. We could see hikers climbing up - or perhaps only down - the cables. So near and yet so far. We were disappointed. But I knew that in my current state of exhaustion, I would not be able to get up, let alone down, the cables safely. Neither of us wanted to hike back down tired and in the dark. So we turned around, going back over the ground we had so recently traversed.

The only constructive thing I could do at this point was to say a decade of the Rosary for the deceased (though I was so tired it was difficult to hike and count Hail Marys at the same time). It's difficult for most people to know what can drive a person to despair so deep that they see no value in their own life and no hope in the future. But I have known someone who killed himself. In his case, he had chronic depression, a kind of mental illness. Others I have had a passing acquaintance with had financial or family problems. None of them were bad people, but all of them were too proud to seek help. In their weakness they chose to throw away their lives.

Suicide is inherently a selfish act. One can never commit suicide without having an impact on the family and friends left behind. Sometimes that impact is a financial one. More often it is an emotional impact. It also impacts strangers, such as the hiker who found today's suicide or the postman who found my ex-boyfriend hanging from a rope off the balcony of his house in the middle of the forest five days after he had killed himself. It impacted the helicopter pilot who had to make a risky flight to the top of Half Dome to retrieve the body. It impacted all of the hikers trying to reach the summit, causing a dangerous logjam at the cables. And it impacted the deceased who will never again see another sunrise, another sunset, or another smile. So I prayed that, whatever his situation, God would have mercy and compassion on him and would help him sort this all out.

We returned to Nevada Fall, where we took off our boots and socks and, standing on the slick granite soaked our feet in the cool river water. It felt so wonderful. My feet were so hot, but fortunately not even a hint of a blister. Thank God for REI's generous boot return policy! It took four pairs of boots before I finally found the right size and this paid dividends today. We put fresh socks on and continued on down the mountain.

The next decision was whether to take the faster, steeper Mist Trail down the mountain or to take the longer, gentler John Muir Trail. We opted for the safer, surer John Muir Trail. Along the way down, we met two ladies who were both having knee problems. Duane gave them his extra knee strap and they gave us a bar of chocolate. That was wonderful and probably really saved me. I would never have thought to bring chocolate on a hike for fear of it melting and making a mess all over my backpack. But this was dark chocolate with less likelihood of melting. I wasn't hungry for much of anything, but I was still able to eat electrolyte beans and the chocolate was wonderful! My energy level picked up a bit. Even so, I was moving like an automaton over the rocky trail at this point. The last mile or two down the John Muir Trail was the most difficult, not because of the downhill which is harder, but because my energy reserves were so depleted.

At one point between Clark Point and the Vernal Fall footbridge, Duane fell down. I heard him start to go down close behind me, so I stopped and planted myself like a tree. He grabbed my leg and this stopped his fall, but not before he got a skinned calf and bumped elbow. We stopped, I pulled out the first aid kit and we disinfected his scrape and applied a bandage. We continued on.
We reached the Vernal Fall footbridge at about 5:15 pm. It was at this point that I drank the last of my water. Duane's hydration pack had run out about half an hour earlier, higher up on the John Muir Trail. Here, I made a much needed stop at the restroom and splashed cool water all over my head. (We still each had 32 ounce bottles of water remaining, however.) It felt wonderful! It was here that we met the curly, blond haired teenager and his friends who found the suicide's body and who called 911 on his cell phone from the top of Half Dome. He didn't seem too shaken up, but we were both sorry that this had happened to him.

We continued on, arriving at Happy Isles at a couple minutes past 6:00 pm - just after the snack stand had closed. Drat! But we were in time for the shuttle, which meant we didn't have to hike the last half mile to the Curry Village parking lot. Yeah! We reached the "welcome car" and changed our shoes and used the restroom at Curry Village. We decided to eat in Curry Village rather than wait until we arrived at Tenaya Lodge. We still had to pick up our other car at Glacier Point, so it would be at least two hours before we got to the hotel. We each had a hamburger at Curry Village. Yum! Then we hobbled to the "welcome car".

Neither of us were inclined to buy the we-made-it-to-the-top-of-Half-Dome tee shirt. So we took a pass. At this point, we both wanted a hot shower and bed.

It did indeed take another two hours to get back to Tenaya Lodge. I dropped Duane off at Glacier Point, traversing the six miles of gravel road once again though this time with much more traffic. He took some final photographs of Half Dome in the last light of the day.

We arrived back at Tenaya Lodge at a little past 8:00 pm. Duane showered and I soaked in a hot bath. I didn't have the energy to put on my swimsuit and head down to the hot tub. I could have fallen asleep in the bath. We ordered room service - we were both still a little hungry - and I ordered a margarita. We wound down a little bit before finally going to bed, sleeping like the dead.

Even though we didn't make the summit of Half Dome, we both felt that this was a big accomplishment. We hiked a further distance, over more time, at higher elevation than we had ever hiked before. We came within a mile to a mile and a half of the summit of Half Dome. Neither of us are twenty-something any more. Neither of us ever thought, in all the years that we have been visiting Yosemite, that we would ever have attempted to hike to the summit of Half Dome.